21^st Century...

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We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Boss - Brainless

Our Salary - Very less

Most emails - useless!!!

A Guy Sent This To A Gal

Dear My Sapno Ki Rani ,

KYA KEHNA the first time I saw you, I asked my self HUM APKE HAI KAUN, feeling that KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI so I decided to forward you a PUKAR from DIL SE. I thought that by the way HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA¡¦so with my DIL TO PAGAL HAI, I dream to be your HERO No.1 and I¡¯ll make you my BIWI No.1. You might think that I am fooling you as BADAL but remember JHOOT BOLE KAWA KATE. Please JANAM SAMJA KARO that PYAAR KOHI KHEL NAHIN and I admit that DIL DE CHUKE SANAM. I trust AAP MERE HAI SANAM. I believe that HUM APKE DIL MEIN REHTE HAIN for HAMESHA. Remember JAB PYAR KISSI SE HOTA HAI why not AA ABH LAUT CHALEIN and you can come SAAJAN KI BAHON MEI. There is SIRF TUM in my life. If you say YES BOSS, then I will become your JORU KA GULAM. Don¡¯t worry be happy, DHOLI SAJA KE RAKHNA because DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE.
KAHO NA PYAR HAI, MERE SANAM.

Yours Sincerely,

DEEWANA MASTANA.

Here is the REPLY of the letter

Dear Deewana Mastana ,

Thank you for your love letter. However I feel HADH KUR DI AAPNE for HUM APKE HAI KAUN? DIL CHAHTA HAI , I should tell you I think you¡¯re a JAANWAR and a SHREE 420! I have to tell you I know your MOHABBATEIN are false. How dare you look at me you COOLIE No. 1! if you were here in front of me I¡¯d hit you with my chapple so hard your head will spin with these YAADEIN. You said KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI every time you think of me but I know you feel HASEENA MAAN JAYEGEE to every girl you see. RAM JAANE what I¡¯ll do to you if I catch you. If you have any KHAUF you will feel DARR from me. You¡¯re a KUNWARA leading a RANGEELA lifestyle, with friends saying CHAL MERE BHAI spending all your nights on the SADAK . I am sure the SHOLAY in your heart you say burn for me is nothing but indigestion from too much eating and drinking. Describing yourself as BAADSHAH and HIMMUTVAAR , you sound like JUNGLI to me. You say you want to make me your BIWI No. 1 however I say you lack INSANIYAAT! I cant believe you think I¡¯ll turn to you and say KAHO NA PYAR HAI! I¡¯d much rather kiss a BICHOO than go near you! Any of AMER AKBAR ANTHONY would be better suited to me than you. DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE you said but I say your DIL TO PAGAL HAI. Don¡¯t you realize that ANDAZ APNA APNA and that their cant be no EK RISHTA between us. We are like a MOHRA in the game of life and its always KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GHUM. The open FIZA with its changing weather is testament to that so please leave it as AKELE HUM AKELE TUM . Besides I¡¯m already engaged to a guy with ROTI KAPRA AUR MAKAAN. He¡¯s no KHAL NAYAK like you.. And he¡¯s my real HERO, my real JIVAN SAATHI . And with him I really know YEAH RAASTE HAI PYAR KE and there can be no space in my ZINDAGI for anyone but him. You¡¯ll only end up causing an AFLATOON because he¡¯s a MAJOR SAHAB in the Army working on the BORDER and he¡¯ll MURDER you if he finds out so save yourself from becoming the foundations of a DEEWAR and leave me alone.

Yours Faithfully,

GHAR WALI BHAHAR WALI.

SECRET OF A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

Once X asked Y, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

Y said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

X asked, “Can you explain?"

Y said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, X asked Y “Give me some examples.”

Y said, “Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much money to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc., are decided by my wife. I just agree to it.”

X asked, “Then what is your role?”

Y said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc., etc.”

Y continues, “Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these.”

How to identify an Indian!

1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children! in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed' ..

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think..

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions,which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle orAunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections ! to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them fromgetting dirty.

33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.

35.. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.